The Road Less Traveled

Currently going through one of the hardest times of my life. It is especially difficult being self aware and introspective yet you make terrible decisions that have long term effects. I understand and recognize that I'm going through the stages of grief right now. It has helped me to sit with my emotions and try not to act on them, but it also feels like it's tearing my mind and heart apart at the same time. I've been very fortunate that people have been reaching out to me, although it still feels like such a lonely road and hard time. I'm not sure when things will get better, but I know that they will. I appreciate you guys listening and hope you too know that whatever you're going through, you will make it.
 
-Denis Baldwin

Recovery isn't an easy road, especially when you've hurt the person or people you love the most. It makes you feel like you aren't worth living, deserve to be harmed or have the worst done to you, and makes you want to give up or give in. I'm currently going through all of it. I relapsed with alcohol and destroyed my engagement to my fiancée and there's no desire for reconciliation on her part even though I will always cling to even the smallest shred of hope because that's how I'm wired. The pain is extremely fresh for her, what she is going through I can only imagine because it exponentially worse than what I'm going through. Even though it was an addiction to alcohol and I wasn't in my right mindset, having the choice to stop taken from me at a certain point, it was my choice to start drinking again in the first place. I take full accountability, but God do the consequences hurt more than anything I've ever experienced before... and I have experienced a lot of pain. Thank you for listening. If you feel anyone might be going through the same thing or could learn something from this, please share it with them.
-Denis Baldwin

Raw and unfiltered: I betrayed the trust of my fiancée when I relapsed with alcohol. I hurt her so deeply and shattered her trust to the point where we are no longer engaged and it feels like all hope is lost. I'm afraid, confused, sick to my stomach, and utterly hate myself for doing it. It doesn't help to understand that it was because of my addiction, my dependency on alcohol which changed my mindset, my values, and who I am, since I still made the choice to drink in the first place. I blacked out, went completely on autopilot, and did something I would never do ever in a sober state. Right now this trauma is only a week old and involves people that are for now actively in my life. Please listen to with respect, and if you are out there struggling with your own compulsive behaviors or addictions, please seek help. I've started attending meetings and have scheduled a therapist. It isn't too late for me, and if you too are struggling, it isn't too late for you either. As always, thank you for listening. - Denis Baldwin

On this week's episode, I rehash the past when I was doing film festivals last year... turns out the guy that backstabbed me has been doing it to other people and is now in hot water. Curious to see how that all turns out. I also am going into a slow work season so I'm ready to get back on track with my health, my wealth, and working on me. If you have something you've been putting off, I suggest you hop to it and get it done. Time waits for no one! You can do it. As always, thank you for listening and being respectful. -db

On this episode I was going to rant and rave about the terrible customer service I've been getting lately. I probably could have gone on and on about poorly trained or inexperienced people, but instead I found myself going with a different tact and exploring the jobs I've been in and the service I've given. I do still let off a little steam near the end because it is incredibly frustrating when you talk to a representative who's literal job is to help fix your problem and they only seem to exacerbate it. Oh well. As always, thank you for listening and being respectful. -db

I'm officially a home owner! What a journey. After spending over 5 years in prison I could never imagine being where I'm at currently. It has been a long process and a lot of hard work but entirely worthwhile. On this episode, I catch everyone up on what that process looks like, although I entirely forgot to describe how awful the move itself was... It had just rained in Vegas so it was 105 degrees with humidity. Pretty terrible. We're still unpacking our boxes but we are about 90% settled. Expect more regularity out of the podcast now that I have a place of my own. As always, thank you for listening and being respectful. -db

Happy 4th of July everyone! I've been in the process of closing on a house and getting ready to move. It's been a great time to reflect on my time in prison compared to how great life is now. I'll never forget what I did, even if it was an accident, but it really makes me appreciate the people in my life and the things that I have. I'll always regret that I took that away from someone else, but I can live positively and keep sharing my story in the hopes that it helps someone else out there to avoid my mistakes. As always, thank you for being respectful and for listening. -db

On this weeks episode, I talk about "imagination." It served me well while I was in prison, got me through some hard times, and has also confused me in ways I never thought possible, since I've generally been able to see outside myself and relate to other people. I tell a couple stories from my past, and I ramble as per usual. As always, thank you for listening and being respectful. - db